“Whether a new colleague at work, a business mixer, or even in a social scene, getting to know someone isn’t the easiest task,” explains Wayne Pernell, P.h.D., who holds a doctorate in clinical psychology and is the president and founder of DynamicLeader, which helps people achieve greater success and satisfaction in life and work.Ī good rule of thumb? “You never start with the weather,” he says. And that means asking the right questions, thought-starters primed to get at real substance rather than small talk.

To get the conversation going in the right direction, remember it’s not just about talking, but about listening, too. This is especially true for introverts, or anyone entering into a new situation-whether that’s a first date, a new job, a new city, or even a new identity (like first-time parenthood) But it can also feel like a downright daunting task. Getting to know someone new-we mean really getting to know them-can be a thrill (for extroverts, under the right circumstances).